I sat and wondered as I received an sms from a little someone while looking for someone i could talk to to come online. Another friend couldn't come online. Heartbreaking news for ME. But anyway, at least it was thought provoking. Someone of our age wouldn't come online only if the parents disallowed them to. Then i thought - Was it better for mothers to CARE more or CARE less or NOT CARE?
I thought for a moment and decided that i shall shoot all my thoughts out here =)
One should always start off from his/her point of view so i shall start with mine. My mother used to care ALOT about what i did everyday... These included compulsory lunches at home, homework done under her nose, no music while doing work and no msn before 9. Indeed it wasn't easy to live with. So many restrictions, i figured that i'd just stay in school for longer hours and soon enough, my house turned into HOTEL, not HOME.
"Restrictions kill". That was what i thought and that was what i THOUGHT ALOUD. My mother realised that i wasn't too happy about that huge number of restrictions and decided to give me not just some, but ALOT of leeway. Only then did i realise that it was never so nice for your mum not to push you that much. I was given the benefit of having a laptop (the one im using now =D) in my room. I was allowed to listen to music while doing work.. Not exactly allowed.. they still disapproved of it, just that they gave in alot more easily and I found myself rocking in my chair like some insane guy (i used to love heavy metal) instead of doing my homework. The first two weeks was great.. like no restrictions like that marh, of course great la. Then, i realised something. I wasn't doing my homework. My mother never really cared that much anymore. Had she given up hope on me? perhaps.
For some time, i felt empty inside. I started to think through many many things as i hid in my air-conditioned room. I thought about all kinds of things.. friends, whether who i regarded as "friend" was a true friend. As I lie on my bed, refusing to do my homework, then i realised that i was missing my mother's nagging dearly. One really would, just like i miss getting pumped by felix sir and marcus sir...
What made things worse was that after much evaluation, i slumped into a corner realising that I never really had that many friends that i thought i did. I only knew the faces and the names. Nothing much more than that. Feelings that I'm.... how should i put it.. "unloved" comes into play then you really start to realise unless youv'e got really special people who are there pushing you everyday, you'd miss your parent's de nagging a great deal. You'd suddenly realise that what people say, what sounds so very cliche, happens to be true. your parents probably love you the most.
So for several months without my mother caring (besides asking me to eat la), i realised my life was rotting. I decayed in my room. It SUCKS when your mother doesn't care and you lack someone who motivates you. Or rather, a true friend.
Then i thought again, what would life be like if my mother cared so much, more than she ever did before? What if she was over-zealous? Definitely it wouldn't be nice to live with thousands of restrictions and constraints, but I would perform better in what would be of utmost importance at this stage of my life. Okay, maybe slightly less time on msn with friends, but still, results would definitely look better. It wouldn't feel too nice... at that moment.. but definitely, it would feel better than no one caring about whether your'e dead or alive and how many cavities in your personality youv'e got as you allow yourself to rot without much supervision at all. *phone rings*
right im back. So yea, imagaine. IF you lack that little bit of discipline and you hog infront of msn the whole day not doing anything, you'd ROT. It would be yucky to live with thousands of restrictions, but its a better feeling that being empty with NO restrictions and feeling "unloved".
So to all of you peoples out there, if you have a mum that restricts you, your'e lucky. If you have a mum that doesn't restrict you, you hog the com but still do your work and dont rot, your'e lucky as well. But again, how many of us are like the latter?
*FYI - FOR THE PAST YEAR, I'VE NEVER HAD LUNCH AT HOME. FOR THE PAST YEAR, MY MUM DOESN'T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT MY WORK UNLESS ITS CHINESE AND I ASK HER. FOR THE PAST YEAR, LIFE SUCKED*